Another Reality Check

Well, Colin's good run was expected to hit another bump in the road. Things were just going too well for a now 31 weeker that was IUGR (Intrauterine Growth Restricted). Colin's hematocrit dropped to 24 - very low - and so he'll get another blood transfusion today. Even though the doctors and nurses warned us early on that this type of thing is to be expected, it's still not easy to hear that your preemie child needs one. Ania and I have never had to have a transfusion, and quite frankly, it sucks knowing that Colin has to go through it. Seems unfair. Taking the approach that the glass is half-full, the good news is that the donor blood is from the same donor as before, so as to minimize the risk of infection and contracted disease. He responded well to the last transfusion, so we're hopeful that he'll stabilize after this one too.
Last night Colin gave us yet another special moment. He had his 3rd straight day of room air trial, but this time we didn't Kangaroo. Instead, we left him in the isolette and just watched him and talked to him for a good while. He was wide awake, seemingly trying to process what we were saying. He was looking right at us too, as our faces on the other side of the isolette were a mere foot from him. We were probably big fuzzy masses since his eyes are not yet fully developed, but it was sweet none-the-less. Because preemies have poor eye muscle control, he would, on occasion, converge (cross) his eyes, and sometimes even go esotropic (only 1 eye would turn in). But for the most part, he exhibited good eye muscle balance and coordination which is great.
During the room air trial, Daddy wanted to see if Colin would hold his finger, so I went to place my index finger in his palm, and Colin immediately gripped it. So we just held hands for about 15 minutes while the 3 of us talked (okay, Colin just listened)! Every time I'd either lightly move my finger or would start to pull away, his grip would tighten. It was so cute! You could even see his little fingers turn white from the pressure he was exerting. Finally, I told Colin that he should hold mommy's hand too. I know he didn't understand what I was saying, but he actually didn't grip when I pulled away. Mommy then put her finger in there and back came the grip! Maybe it was instincts, or he was just getting tired for a moment and let go? Or maybe because he was gripping so tightly that it was Colin's way of saying, "I'm not feeling good" since his blood counts were off? Hard to say, but it was amazing to see, whether by chance or not.