Another Step Back

The ebb and flow of a preemie's life in the ICN can really wear on you if you let it. Sometimes you have no choice in the matter, and break downs are inevitable. You hang on to the good days but don't let yourself get too comfortable because you know at any moment something can take a turn for the worse. Colin is still doing okay, but we found out this morning that his hematocrit is down to 27, which means another blood transfusion - maybe two. He put together a string of several good days recently, but reality caught up. Because of the transfusion, they'll stop his feedings temporarily. Hopefully they'll start him back on max feedings after his transfusion, but we don't know that yet.
He's only got a couple more doses of antibiotics today, then he should be done. At least for a while, we hope. The infections really set him back, so maybe he won't have to deal with another one for a while? That would be nice.
One thing we've been forced to learn throughout this process is patience. It's extrememly difficult to go through the constant cycles of good news/bad news. And obviously, not having him home is the most difficult thing. We know he's in a good place, but I don't think we've yet come to fully accept it. How could we, or any of the other parents who's children have this kind of start to life? We want to believe Colin will be fine - eventually - but no one knows for sure. It's not fun having to reminder ourselves: one day at a time. And yet we have no choice.